When the “Healing” Get’s Tough…

Happy April!! I wanted to focus this month’s blog post on the healing journey, and to say that The healing journey is hard! It sucks. I am not going to lie. When we choose to love ourselves, when we realize we deserve better, when he finally process how bad we were treated, we get angry; I mean really pissed! It’s as if we finally allow ourselves to feel mad about all of the times they have stolen our peace, or better yet, that we have ALLOWED them to steal our peace. Sometimes we are expecting to find closure in places where people have not/or will not own up to their shit. We forget to realize that some people have lack the capacity to be held accountable for their misbehavior. They truly don’t think they did anything wrong. 

So, what do we do? Do we stay angry at them?  Do we hope and pray that they will magically come to their senses and apologize for hurting us. Chances are that won’t happen. 

Here are some suggestions that can help us find closure when they won’t take accountability. 

Let’s ask ourselves…

1. What are we upset about? Like really upset about? 

2. Are we really upset at ourselves for allowing them to mistreat us? 

3. Are we taking what they said/did personal? 

4. Are we expecting them to do the right thing and say sorry? 

5. Are we replaying what they did to us over and over in our head and then getting mad all over again?

If we answered “yes” to any of these, please remember you ARE NOT ALONE! We have all held on to grudges and expectations of others. 

First thing is first…FORGIVE YOURSELF! Yes, YOU! Give yourself grace and patience for how you showed up when you were hurt. We don’t always have a full toolkit to deal with people who hurt us. Have you ever heard the saying “if only I knew then, what I know now?” This is exactly what it means to operate from a place of truly not knowing better and allowing bad behavior in our lives. 

With that said…now that you know better, do better! Say no when you don’t want to do something. Set boundaries to protect your heart from people you don’t feel safe with, and most importantly, be mindful of the anxiety loops and stories you replay in your head when you are hurt, angry or lonely. Then let that shit go. 

Hope this helps…and remember, healing is a daily practice. We are NOT GOING to get it right every time. We will mess up, but we must vow to keep going, keep learning, and keep forgiving ourselves.