Part 11 of My Purpose Story

The Universe’s timing is perfect!

You know how they say you will never know a love is missing until you have a baby? I didn’t realize that having Aleena would be the void I felt in my life for so long. When I was pregnant, I found myself secretly mourning my independence and my newlywed bliss with Doofy, but when I looked into that little girl’s face, I just knew this was real joy. Pure love in its truest form. Reality hit me when we drove back home. I instantly got anxiety. The truth is, we were renting his dad’s house that needed A LOT of work in a “not so good” part of town. While the house was okay for us to live in, it was not a home I wanted to raise daughter in. The problem was that we were broke and couldn’t afford to move. 

After giving birth to Aleena, I tried to make the best of our situation, but inside, I was feeling lonelier than ever. I could no longer hide behind the love he and I shared; this was something different. I missed my family and had no one to bond with other than Doofy. My mom flew in a few days after I gave birth. She took care of me and nursed me back to health. She helped me adjust to my new role, and things were slowly starting to feel normal again. I had a new life now, there was no going back. I was determined to give my daughter the best life. I was determined to get her out of that house. I was determined to make it. I wanted her to be proud of me. I knew going forward that everything I needed to accomplish in my life was for us; the three of us. 

A month after she was born, she became extremely sick. We both did. You see, around this time, there was this thing called “H1N1” or the “Swine Flu” that was all over the news, and apparently it was crossing the border from Mexico into the U.S. Remember it?  I was terrified. I didn’t leave the house with the baby at all. His cousin was graduating around this time. I opted out and sent him. The last place I wanted to be was in an area with large crowds.

“Yup, she has H1N1” the doctor said staring at the results of a swab he had just inserted in my one-month-old daughter’s nasal cavity. He turned to me and said, “I am sure you do too mom.” I felt like I was dying inside. I guess it was obvious. I had a fever, the chills, and all the fun symptoms that came with the flu. Doofy was at work. We couldn’t afford for him to take time off. I am surprised I even drove Aleena there without passing out. “I can give her an antiviral” to shorten her symptoms” he said, “but unfortunately I can’t give you a prescription since you are not my patient, and I haven’t tested you.” “That’s okay doc,” just help me with my baby.” To be honest, we couldn’t afford to send me to the doctor too, we could barely afford Aleena’s copay and her antiviral, which I ended up charging to my credit card. 

Our situation was depressing, but Doofy and I refused to ask for help. We charged groceries to our credit card. I think that was the lowest we had ever been financially. I continued to stay positive and kept praying for a miracle. “There has to be something out there for us” I would say to Doofy every other day. He was stressed. He had never had this much responsibility before. He went from being a 21-year-old single man, to a 24-year-old husband, father and sole-provider. I can’t even imagine the pressure he felt. He never complained, he just kept working and doing what he needed to do to support us. 

When Aleena was three months old, I got a job at another immigration law firm. This time I was working with victims of crime and victims of domestic violence under a specialized part of the law called VAWA or Violence Against Women Act. This is when my purpose slowly started to unravel for me. Once again, I was exposed to violence, but I wasn’t on the receiving end this time; I was on the listening end. My new job opened my eyes to parts of immigration law and parts of violence I never knew existed. Here is when I realized how fucked up our immigration system really is. I heard countless stories of women who had been beaten, raped, shot, and held at gunpoint. You see in America, if you are undocumented and a victim of a crime at the hand of a U.S. citizen, you get to apply for something called a “U-Visa.” However, receiving a U-Visa was sort of like a lottery; only 8,000 visas were allocated (at the time) to the entire United States, and you had to jump through several legal hoops to even start your application. It was a lottery involving human people’s lives.  

The stories I heard from victims were horrific, to being shot and left for dead and waking up with your dead spouse next to you in an attempted murder suicide, to being drug from the Mexico border to the U.S. only to be held prisoner in stash house and raped repeatedly for weeks on end.  I tried really hard not to bring any of that home with me, but I was working in a mine filled with my own triggers ready to explode in my face. The universe had me there for a reason, I just didn’t know the reason yet. 

“Okay, I for sure want to be a lawyer now” I told Doofy one day when I came home. “Let’s do it” he said. Damn he was so supportive! I got the courage to start looking into college again. “I had to be an Arizona resident by now” I thought, I mean gave birth to a baby, registered to vote and had leased a vehicle at this point, what more did the government want? Around this time, President Barack Obama signed a law stating first-time homeowners would receive a stimulus check of 8,000 if they purchased a home and lived in it for three years. “Babe” I yelled across the house “did you hear about this first-time homeowner thing?” He gave me a confused look. “let’s buy a house!” I yelled. He came in the room and stared at me. No one in his family had ever purchased a home (except for his dad). I don’t think he ever considered buying a home, but I was impulsive, and fearless. I mean I moved in with him after only three months…you know the story. I could tell that he didn’t want to let me down. I mean, I was just starting to find my spark again. He also hated telling me “No.” I was his kryptonite, and I knew it. “You just started working again” he said slowly hoping I would get his message, “but okay, let’s look into it” he said hesitantly.  

I was giddy. I was about to be a homeowner; I could feel it. We found a realtor online and he explained the process, he referred us to a mortgage lender to start the process. Doofy’s head was spinning. He thought “they” would tell us no and we could go back to living our lives in his dad’s safehouse while we raised our daughter. But my determination and my faith in the universe were too strong. Nothing could hold me back or stop the universe’s plan. After seeing my dad in my dream, meeting my soulmate in another state, moving in with him after only three months of knowing him, to finding out he was baptized the day I was born had only strengthened my faith in the universe. This is when I realized my spiritual connection was not a fluke; it was real. I knew there was a bigger plan for me out there. I was starting to realize that I had suffered for a reason, I knew it was all for something, and I was about to find out. 

See you next week for part 12 of my purpose story. Please stay tuned to heartourminds.com as I am starting a new mini-live series via Facebook or Instagram (I haven’t decided yet) on goals and manifesting. Also-I am open for purpose consults, if you are undecided, my advice to you, is to just do it. You are undecided for a reason, you show up here for a reason, it wasn’t by chance. Trust yourself.