Part 6 of My Purpose Story

So, my story took a turn. Did you see it coming? I know I didn’t. Now, what’s next? We lived happily ever after, right? Mmm…not yet. The growth and hard work were just beginning. It was as if the universe had prepared me for this one moment, for the moment for me to get the damn hint. Would I finally listen? Would I trust my intuition?  All I know is that what I did have, was impenetrable armor.Thick, run for your life Doofy, armor. My shield was made of steel. My heart was filled with thorns. The image that comes to my mind, is that of Game of Thrones. The fight scene where the scary giant crushes his tiny opponent. But who was the giant in this scene? Was it Doofy? Was it me? Let’s find out what happens next. 

A week after landing in Washington, Doofy and I continued talking. We talked every day. We checked in with each other in the morning, after work, and before bed. This wasn’t the scary kind of stalker love I had with “Mike.” This was different. I was waiting for us to fizzle out, for the flame to die down; but it never did. It grew stronger. There were times that we would fall asleep on the phone together, because neither one of us wanted to be the one to say goodbye. “What’s next?” I said. “Be my girlfriend” he said. We both knew there was too much distance between us. We both knew this was impossible. However, a part of me didn’t want to believe that. A part of me wanted to live in this fantasy land with Doofy by my side. I told him he was crazy…again. He didn’t care. He loved me. He looked at me differently. He saw something in me, that I didn’t. I know he wanted to live in the fantasy world with me too, I could feel it. 

“Okay, let’s do it” I said. “Ayy Dora, you are such a sucker for love, haven’t you learned your lesson?” I thought to myself. I knew I was being naïve. I knew I was ruining my life. But how bad could it be? He was in Arizona. I was in Washington. It’s not like he could just get in his car and chase me. On March 27th, 2006, Doofy and I started dating. Exactly two weeks after meeting each other. I was giddy. He was too. I fantasized about going on dates with him. I fantasized about having dinner, going to a movie, and the outfit I would wear. This life felt safe. No real danger. Just innocent, long-distance, talk on the phone, kind of love. I wasn’t used to that. Love didn’t have to hurt or feel scary. One night my loneliness and isolation took over me “I need to see you, I can’t do this anymore” I said to him. I heard him swallow. There was no way he thought this could last. He read off his credit number. “Buy a plane ticket” he said. “I need to see you too.” 

Damn…now I had to convince my mom that my friend had been through some crazy tragedy  and that I had to fly back to Arizona to be by her side. I couldn’t tell her the truth. I couldn’t say I was going to see a boy, she would kill me! I courageously asked her if I could go back. Now, before you judge me for asking for permission, don’t forget I am Mexican with strong values and very scary mother. It didn’t matter that I was 21, I had to ask. She agreed. I think she knew something inside of me was changing. She knew I wasn’t there to see my friend. 

I flew back to see him exactly one month after becoming his girlfriend. When I landed at the airport in Tucson, I nervously looked around. It was April. It was hot. I walked out of the terminal, and there he was, decked out in his G-Unit outfit. “Oh my gosh” I thought, “he has no style.” “It’s okay, I can fix that” I confirmed in my head. He had one rose with him. “What a cheap ass” my superficial mind thought (even though he had just paid for my plane ticket). We kissed and hugged. It felt nice. I was still nervous. He was too. We got to his car, and there in the front seat sat a cold 12 pack of Coronas, with a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup on top. I melted. He knew the way to my heart. I knew we were going to have the best week together. 

That week, he took me on all of the dates he promised to take me in our fantasy world. He took me to dinner, he took me to the theater, and to a club. We had the best time together. We were playing with fire, and we both knew it. It was a forbidden, long distance relationship kind of love. It wasn’t meant to last. Our trip ended and he drove me back to the airport. Back to reality. I hugged him and cried. I knew this would be the last time I saw him. As I walked to the terminal, I looked back. He had tears in his eyes as he mouthed the words “I love you.” I turned back and rushed towards my exit. This wasn’t real. It was fun while it lasted. 

When I landed back in Washington, I was determined to forget him. I loved him, but I knew I couldn’t be with him. I tried to live my life without him. I was one month away from earning my Associates Degree. Soon after that, I would be applying to a local university, and Doofy would be a distant memory. I tried to break up with him. He wouldn’t listen. He said I was just “upset” and to “call him in the morning.” I hated that calmness about him. I was used to the scary, punch the walls kind of love. The only “love” I had ever known. I would get drunk and pick fights with him. He would patiently listen and tell me how much he loved me. 

One day during a heated argument where I was once again being dramatic , I yelled “Damn it Doofy, I am not supposed to be with you, I have a family, and shit to do here!”  “Move in with me” he calmly said. Wait…what? “Move in with me” he repeated. “Are you fucking crazy?” I asked him. “Yes, I am crazy about you” he said. He had officially lost his marbles. He knew I couldn’t leave my home, leave my mom and my little brother, especially after losing my dad. “Okay then, come meet my mom and tell her yourself” I challenged. “Done” he said. This guy had to be nuts. He called me the next day with his flight information “can you pick me up in Seattle?” He asked. No way. There was no way. He has lost his mind. 

“My boyfriend is coming to Washington” I told my mom. She just looked at me. She was the “poker face” master. She nodded. I was waiting for her to yell, but she didn’t. That scared me. I picked Doofy up at the airport and we drove to my town. The town that had broken me. The town that held all of my secrets and did nothing to protect me from them. Doofy was coming, and was going to see all the ugly sides of me. This was his chance to run. 

He met my mom. “I want to talk to you” she said to him in front of me. Oh shit. She was always the scary parent. “Okay” he nervously responded. I tried to interject. She looked at me and said “if he is a real man with good intentions, then there is nothing to worry about.” I felt afraid for him. He was about to walk into the lion’s den. She was making up for the loss of my other parent. In this moment, she was my mom and my dad. He came back into the room and smiled. “What happened?” I asked. “Nothing” he said. “What do you mean nothing?” I asked. “Everything is okay, we came to an agreement” he answered. Wtf? Did she sell me off in exchange for a cow and some chickens? I wondered what the hell was going on. A few days later, I drove him back to the airport. I knew I would see him again, but I just didn’t know when. 

It was May, I was wrapping up my studies, and getting ready to graduate. I was preparing for my 22nd birthday and was still very much involved with Doofy. Life was good. I missed him, but life was good. “I need to be with you now, when are you coming?” he asked. I wasn’t fully ready to move to Arizona to be with him. I hesitated. I told him if he loved he would wait. One month later, I was getting ready to graduate. I didn’t want to participate in my ceremony. I was embarrassed. Fucking community college. The thought alone pissed me off, and made me resent myself, and “Mike” even more. “You have to,” my mom pleaded. “Fine!” I reluctantly answered. She was so happy. I was glad I did it. The smile on her face was worth it. 

After graduation, I built the courage to say the words. The words that would change my life. the words that might make her hate me. “Mom, I want to move to Arizona,” I said. She looked at me. “Are you sure?” she asked. “He’s the one,” I answered. I waited for her to yell. I waited for her to tell me I was throwing my life away for another stupid boy, I waited for her to tell me I needed to finish school first (real school). But nothing. Instead, she said “I know.” “You know what?” I asked. “He is the one” she said.  This was all I needed to hear. The only blessing that mattered. “Can you buy me plane ticket for my birthday?” I asked. I was turning 22 on June 6th of that year. “Yes,” she said. 

On June 15th, 2006, exactly three months after meeting Doofy, we loaded up two large suitcases filled with my belongings and drove to the airport. I was going to be with my love.i was about take the biggest chance of my life. It was bittersweet. My mom cried as she kissed me goodbye. She was terrified. So was I. 

I left my family, my friends and my car behind. I left to start a life with Doofy. I pondered my life’s choices on the plane. Was I making the right decision? How could my mom agree to this? As soon as the plane landed in Tucson, I took a deep breath. I found my way to the front of the plane, there was no turning back. As I arrived at the door to walk down the stairs, I felt a blow dryer of hot air hit my face. Holy shit. I had just moved to Arizona. It was 115 degrees in the middle of June. What the fuck had I done? 

See you next week for part 7 of my purpose story. I hope you will like, subscribe, and share my story if it inspires you.