Part 7 of My Purpose Story

I know what you’re thinking. I made a mistake. A big one. Wait…those are my thoughts. Damn. But seriously what am I doing in Arizona? I mean, I knew I likedDoofy. I felt the feeling of being in love, but did I really want to live with him? I thought I loved all those other losers before him, and look where that got me. How was this any different? Well, for starters, it was hotter than a devil’s asshole here, and second, I had no support system. No one. Zip. Zilch. Nada. No family, and just one friend. To be honest I wanted to run back to the plane, but the flight attendants kindly scurried my ass out so they could clean and get ready for their next adventure. Fuck. This was my adventure. 

I courageously walked off the plane. I was ready to face my fate. I made my bed, now I had to lie in it. I slowly walked towards the entrance. I went to the bathroom to splash water on my face. “This is it” I thought to myself. I made my way towards the signs that said “Stop,” the signs that would no longer protect me from the outside world. The signs that repeatedly reminded me that I was leaving a secure zone. I took a deep breath and kept going. I exited the terminal. I saw him. He was holding a dozen roses this time. He looked as scared as me. We nervously smiled at each other. I wonder if he was thinking what I was thinking. I think he was. We hugged. Were we ready? He was 21. I was 22. I was a cougar. 

I tried my best to adapt to my new reality. We lived in South Tucson. South usually means not the best in most cities, right? Yup. I was in the south. We lived in a house that he was renting from his dad. It was old. It needed a lot of work and looked just like any old house in an impoverished neighborhood. I didn’t like it, but we were together. That is all that mattered. He told me I didn’t have to work. He told me he would take care of me. He only knew me three months, he didn’t realize I wasn’t the type of woman who needed to be taken care of. I had my own dreams and goals, but I went along with it since I didn’t have a car, or any clue on how to find a job in my new city. 

The first three months were okay, I was bored, but happy. At this time I discovered he had this “weird habit” that tugged at my lonely, home-sick heart. Every Friday, on payday, he would go out with his friends after work. He wouldn’t call; he wouldn’t check in. He would go out, drink with his buddies, come home and pass out. Under normal circumstances, this would be okay, under normal circumstances, I would patiently wait for him, at my mom’s house or with another family member, ideally at happy hour with my own friends, but these weren’t normal circumstances; I was alone.  

“How can you just leave me here all day like an abandoned dog” I would yell. He was confused. “I work all day so you can stay home” he would argue. Wow. Stay home. Did he not know me? I was not one stay home. “I never wanted this life!” I would respond.  Oh shit. My mind went into survival mode. The same way it did when “Mike” was around. I ended in community college because of “Mike,” and now I am stuck in hot ass Arizona because of “Doofy.” “Damn it Dora, you are a fucking genius” I sarcastically thought to myself. I looked up and mumbled “I am sorry dad; I will figure a way out of this.” Doofy was confused, he thought he was doing all the things he was supposed to do. I sacrificed everything to be with this man, and now I felt stuck. It’s amazing to see how easily triggered I could get. The previous trauma I felt was real. I don’t think we both know that when I packed my two large suitcases to move to Arizona, I would also be packing an extra suitcase filled with emotional baggage.  

Doofy continued his usual Friday night shenanigans despite my complaints. He was a nice guy and was not about to get roasted by his fellow construction workers. I get it now. I took matters into my hands to regain control. I did what I was used to doing. I taught him a lesson. The way the universe taught me, and the way all the assholes before him taught me. I went to the gym, yup that’s what I did; I went to the gym. They were hosting a grand opening. They were having food, and prizes and music. Typically, I am not one to show up to these types of events, but where else was I going to go on a Friday night? I didn’t know my way around Tucson. 

Doofy was like clockwork. He always came home at the same time. As soon as the clock said 5:00 pm, I made my way to the gym down the street. He wouldn’t suspect a thing. The moment I entered the gym, my phone rang. “Yup, he is home” I thought to myself. I let the phone ring. He called again. I let the phone ring again. I think his panic had set in. In my moments of rage and loneliness I would threaten to move back home. I wonder if he thought I was gone for good. I turned off my phone. I must have tried every single machine that night. By 9:00 p.m. when I was finally tired and ready to go home, I turned on my phone. I had dozens of missed calls and voicemails. I calmly called him back. “Hi” I said nonchalantly. “Where the hell are you?” his worried voice responded. “Oh, I am at the gym” I replied. “All this time?” he yelled. “Yup, I figured you are usually busy with your friends on Friday nights, so I didn’t want to bother you” I answered. Silence. Doofy was getting to know me. I could hear my mother. “A man will only do to you what you let him” here voice kept repeating in my head. That was the last drunken Friday night Doofy had with the guys. 

We started communicating more. He would call and check in, and I would tell him how I felt. You see, being Mexican we weren’t taught on healthy communications skills. It was always silence, anger, and yelling. It was a cycle. We turned our Friday nights into date nights. I told him I needed to work. He didn’t object. By now, he realized how expensive and high maintenance I was. I was okay with that. I was taught about hard work, and the value of a dollar. My mom always encouraged me to do whatever I needed to do so I didn’t rely on a man. I immediately started looking for receptionist jobs at law firms. “Why a law firm” he asked. I looked at him in shock “because I am going to be a lawyer one day” I sharply responded. It was obvious we were still getting to know each other.  

I got a job at a bankruptcy law firm. I liked it. It paid the bills and gave us the opportunity to splurge on each other more. I made new friends. Life was good. I was adapting to my new home. “When are you going to go back to school?” he asked. That’s right. I needed to go back. Time was only passing me by. There is a local university in Tucson called The University of Arizona. “I will look into it” I promised. “Okay let me know if you need me to take to you” he responded. I gave him a confused look, “why the rush?” I asked. “I promised your mom that if you moved in with me, I would make sure you finished school” he responded. I didn’t get it. “That day that we talked in Washington, I asked your mom if I could bring you with me to Tucson, she said she would give me her blessing, as long as I made sure you finished school, and accomplished your goals” he said. “I told her I would never hold you back” he continued. I fell more in love with him that day. 

Later that summer, my mom, sister and brother were preparing to come visit us. My mom needed to see where I was living and if I was okay. I was nervous. She would see our old, run down home, and car that had a permanent oil leak. She walked in and surveyed the place. We talked and shared dinner and drinks. We were having a good time, when all of a sudden, she gave us a funny look. Damn. Something was coming. 

“So, when are you two getting married?” she asked. In the Mexican culture, you don’t really leave home at a set age, unless you are leaving to college or leaving to get married. We were doing things backwards. Doofy and I looked at each other. We hadn’t thought about marriage, we had just moved in together! I was still getting to know him. It had only been seven months. “We don’t have any money right now” I said. “We will save money and get married in a few years” I told her. “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” she sarcastically said to Doofy. He was nervous. She was being a protective momma bear over her cub. “She moved here” she continued, “and if the two of you are so in love married” she said. “You have to strike while the iron is hot.” My mom is the queen of “dichos” (Mexican sayings). “I will pay for it, we will all pitch in and figure it out” she said. My sister looked at her and nodded in agreement. “Okay” we both nervously said. “Let’s plan a wedding!” she exclaimed.

Looking back, she wasn’t forcing me to get married to a boy I had just met. She was encouraging me to see my worth. If Doofy loved me, he would marry me. The same way that I gave up everything to be with him. We were set, by July of 2007, we would be married. Oh my God. I went from meeting a boy, to moving in with him, and now marrying him all within 7 months. I didn’t even have a ring yet. 

“God, if you can hear me, please don’t let me fuck this up, amen” I prayed.  

See you next week for part 8 of my purpose story. I hope you are enjoying my blog. Please subscribe to stay up to date with my story or any other announcements from heartourminds.