The end for now…

So, this it. We have made it to the end; for now. I can’t believe it has taken me all of eight months to share this with you. I don’t know if you will ever fully understand how much I appreciate you being a reader in my story. You have helped me in so many ways, just by listening to my story and doing so with out judgement. For that, I thank you. 

Anyway, back to the story. 

I received my master’s degree in Counseling and Mental Health in May of 2015. As my name was read over the loudspeaker, and I heard the cheers my family in the audience, I couldn’t help but shed a tear. They were the ones I had done all of this for.  My husband, my daughters, and my mom, I had done it for them. They were the ones I sacrificed sleep, family events, and vacations; I did it all for them. Well, some of it was for me of course, but on the days that I had zero strength, on the days I didn’t feel like I could keep going; it was most definitely for them. Who would have thought that the most fucked up one of the family, was the first one to earn her master’s degree? 

“Fucked up” was how I saw myself growing up. I made stupid choices at a very young age and risked my life without even realizing it. My parents were migrant workers most of my life, and I grew up in the fields of fruit filled with Mexicans who were mostly undocumented. How could I have been so dumb? While my parents were out chasing The American Dream, I was out chasing abusive boys. There are days I can really beat myself up when I think of my past, but I know that is just my ego talking. We are all worthy of it all if we are willing to get our hands dirty and do the work, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. 

In life we aren’t always going to have to strength for ourselves, we aren’t always going to want to keep going, but when we look around, and see the cheering squad around us, it makes it easier to tread the muddy waters. Looking back, my water was so damn muddy! Hell, I felt like a stick in the mud most of my life. I felt like an imposter too, but I didn’t look back. I never dared looking back. My past was ugly. It was filled with scars, hurt, and pain. It was this way, until it wasn’t anymore. Until I started to connect the dots of my life. I connected every single message. I now believe that there are no such things as coincidences. 

For me, life is not made up of luck. Life is something that happens for us, not to us. It’s when we look at it from the latter point of view, we get stuck, feel unhappy, and victimized. But that is not how it is supposed to go. We aren’t victims of our circumstances. We are simply humans living the human experience.  My point here is, you need to embrace your lessons and mistakes and use them as fuel for change. Use them to help you be a better person. Use them to help someone else. 

We tend to feel unhappy when we seek validation from others. We feel unhappy when we give unnecessary value to other’s opinions of us. The fact is, someone else’s opinion has no merit, or weight whatsoever on your life. Opinions don’t make us better humans, or worse humans; opinions are just meritless viewpoints. People will respond to you from the lens of their own life. Their lens looks different from yours. People will look at you and judge based on what the see as right or wrong, but at the end of the day, it is just their BS (belief system.) This is when you need to stay focused. Stay looking forward on the path that was predestined for you long before you were born. 

I have learned that my purpose in this world, is helping others see their light. My purpose is to make sure you don’t fall of your journey, and if you do, my job is to let you know that it is all part of the process. I am happiest when I am helping. I am also learning to accept in my own life. I am a work in progress and will forever be a life long learner and helper. 

Thank you for being a part of my journey. Thank you for giving me courage and encouragement as I shared my story. The truth is, I have never said any of these things out loud. I have never shared this much of myself in any capacity in all my life. For reason though, I felt I had to do it. I felt that if I had gone through this, maybe you have too. If you have gone through this or something similar, you are not alone. Reach out and share your story, take ownership of it and regain your life back. You deserve it.